The God of Increase

In my very first written assignment I mentioned that although I am a convert to Catholicism, I feel like I've been Catholic all of my life.  My Mother had taught me that I shouldn't look for a church that I liked, but that I should find a church that was teaching the truth, and her advice is just as good today as it was then. As I described in My Journey Home, I was led to the fullness of faith after my wife joined the RCIA program as a team member. She would come home after her meetings and we would talk about the subject for that evening, and eventually she invited me to attend the meetings with her. During those early RCIA meetings I slowly realized that the Catholic Church was teaching what I considered to be the Truth.

 

I was confirmed in 2004, and joined the RCIA program as a team member with my wife and few others. As volunteers tend to do I worked hard, asked lots of questions, and occasionally offered suggestions. I'll also admit that as volunteers tend to do I felt there was room for improvement; the process seemed to lack direction and consistency and was a bit too touchy feely for me. While I strongly valued prayer, meditation, and even mysticism I wanted to add something about what the Catholic church believes. Unfortunately, at some point I crossed the line and became a hindrance to the process, and I left the team in 2008.

 

My biggest mistake was meeting with my Pastor to voice my concern, suggesting that "if he found himself in need of someone to run the program I was available", or something to that affect. Shortly after that he inadvertently "threw me under the bus" in a conversation with the RCIA Director while trying to make some suggestions of his own. She (naturally) got the impression that I was trying to "take over" and as you can probably imagine our relationship was a bit strained after that.

 

It was about this same time that I discovered the ILM program and since I was serious about wanting to improve the RCIA in my Parish I asked for admittance. The Institute for Leadership in Ministry (and my personal journey of faith) is what this blog is all about. Their intention is to produce leaders in our Diocese. As I've recently said I enjoyed the program a lot and learned plenty, and graduated in the spring of 2013. This is where things get a little mystical ... as things tend to do when you recognize the Holy Spirit at work in your life.

 

By now two things had happened: 1) The Pastoral Staff had changed considerably, and 2) The RCIA program was much improved. Neither my current Pastor nor the rest of his staff was aware of my "previous history" with the RCIA program, but during a conversation with our Parochial Vicar one evening he asked me if I would consider working on the RCIA team. I consciously stated that although improving the RCIA program was one reason I attended the ILM program, I felt that the RCIA program had improved considerably over the last three years. I also admitted that I was still interested in the RCIA program but I was unsure about my reception as a team member. I was told, "everything would work out fine", and "not to worry".

 

You've heard the saying, "Be careful what you wish for". It's easy to get stuck in a rut and run on auto-pilot expecting the same thing, but God is a God of increase. He wants us to rise higher and continually grow and reach new levels. What I didn't realize at the time was that I was being asked to take over the RCIA program, and not just join the team. This unexpected turn of events became obvious during a later meeting with the Parochial Vicar. Even before it was announced to the Parish staff people were coming up to me and suggesting that either I should volunteer to take over the program or they were congratulating me for having been chosen to do so.

 

What I sense in my spirit is that 2013 is turning out to be an exceptional year; a year to see promises come to pass and a year to accomplish dreams. It's also turning into a year of surprises, in which God is amazing me with His goodness! My friend John, who passed away recently, is surely pleased with this turn of events and I can imagine him smiling and laughing a bit, and ready to support me fully! Over the last 3 years I've realized that the RCIA process should not be focused solely on the transfer of knowledge. It is really about the journey; leading people of faith to the Kingdom of God. So pray for me as I strive to mix in a little knowledge with the prayer, meditation, and mysticism that is and should be part of everyone's daily journey.

The Summons

Will you come and follow me, if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know, and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown, will you let my name be known?
Will you let my life be grown, in you and you in me?

 

Will you leave your self behind, if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind, and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare, should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer, in you and you in me?

 

Will you let the blinded see, if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoners free, and never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean, and do such as this unseen?
And admit to what I mean, in you and you in me?

 

Will you love the you you hide, if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside, and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found, to reshape the world around?
Through my sight and touch and sound, in you and you in me?

 

Lord, your summons echoes true, when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you, and never be the same.
In your company I will go, where your love and footsteps show.
Thus I'll move and live and grow, in you and you in me.

 

Kelvin Grove, 1987, The Iona Community all rights reserved

Graduation

Well that's it! Our last class was two weeks ago, only this time it really is our very last class. Tonight is the graduation ceremony for the ILM Class of 2013, and for me too. Once again, for the last time I suppose, I would like to thank everyone who is reading my blog; His blog, I hope, it's about the One who inspires me daily to be the person I am trying to be. I hope that you have learned something too, or at least found it interesting. My desire has been to faithfully reflect my witness of God's Grace in my life, my belief in Jesus' Love for us, my trust in the Holy Spirit, and my understanding of the Catholic Church in the world.

 

Not too long ago, another ILM student mentioned that writing must come easy to me; after all I am writing this blog. I told her that before joining ILM I mentioned to the director that although I was very interested in the program I didn't want to write term papers. I guess they aren't term papers, but the four papers per year have been the hardest part of the program for me. I was very uncomfortable with the idea of writing anything that "should include theological insight and pastoral implications", because I'm the student not the theologian. However, once I realized that my papers would serve to indicate my progress which also meant there would be no tests, I accepted my fear of writing. My early papers were mostly about things that I wanted to write about and my later papers were mostly about things my instructors wanted me to write about, but in every case I found it necessary to "adjust" the final version of my paper to approximate the instructors assignment. Looking back, it really hasn't been that hard I suppose; you can do it too!

 

This has really been a very interesting process for me, and I would recommend it to anyone that is interested in the Catholic Church: actually to anyone interested in religion in general. Pretty much all of my life I've been in school, or some kind of formal training, or taking self study courses, so after hearing about the program I wanted to attend ILM for personal reasons; I simply wanted to know more. After I was in the program I realized that the Institute for Leadership in Ministry actually meant training leaders for the church (oops). I struggled with this a bit in my second year, but eventually realized that the training was still valuable for someone like me who prefers to be in a supporting role. So if you're interested, talk to your Pastor and do it!

 

Sometime life gets in the way and I hope that what I've written here will help others, including my own family, discover who I am on the inside and who I am trying to be on the outside. For those who undertook this journey with me, thank you. I am especially grateful to my Mother who did her best to keep me on the "straight and narrow" and to my Dad who usually let me make my own mistakes in life, I hope they always know how much I love them and how much I appreciate their love for me. To my Grandfather who inspired me to search for the truth no matter where it leads, and to my friend John who commented on my papers and assisted me with grammar and spelling when necessary. To my sister who showed me that I could "think outside the box", and to my brother, my children, and my grand children who have their own stories. Most of all I am grateful to my wife who gently led me with love and by example, making this discovery of a lifetime possible. I love you all!

This has been the story of my personal journey for truth, knowledge, and wisdom, but as with all great stories and epic journeys ... it's really just the beginning.

No Fear

Fredrich Cropp said, "There is much in the world to make us afraid", and someone else once said, "The biggest thing most of us fear is the unknown". According to surveys, some of the most common fears are (take a deep breath) ghosts, evil powers, cockroaches, spiders, snakes, heights, water, enclosed spaces, tunnels, bridges, needles, social rejection, failure, examinations, and (my biggest nightmare) public speaking. Fear is a distressing emotion aroused by a perceived threat. We all know that it is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger. Some psychologists have suggested that fear belongs to a small set of basic or innate emotions, which also includes joy, sadness, and anger. The future is almost all unknown, and it can be full of scary "what ifs" that can haunt us and keep us awake at night.

 

Fredrich Cropp went on to say, "There is much more in our faith to make us unafraid". Whether it's a minor life setback or a seriously frightening situation, Christians are called to face it without undue fear, trusting in God. People will whisper behind your back (Joseph) do not be afraid. Storms will toss your boat (disciples), do not be afraid. You shall cross the barren desert (soldiers), do not be afraid. You shall wander far in safety though you do not know the way. You shall speak your words in foreign lands (Neale) and all will understand. If you pass through raging waters in the sea, you shall not drown. If you walk amid the burning flames, you shall not be harmed. If you stand before the power of hell and death is at your side, know that I am with you through it all.

 

In other words, do not be afraid even of death. The risen Lord is still saying what he has said before, "Do not be afraid", you shall see the face of God and live. "God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but rather that the world might be saved through him" (John 3:17). God is with us. His recurring message throughout the entire Bible is that His people do not need to be afraid of anything. God is our refuge. "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God." God is our help. "I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand". God is our guide. "I go before you always; come follow me, and I will give you rest". Be not afraid. "Peace be with you". "My peace be with you". Clearly the message for us is not to worry about the future.

God’s Fingerprints

In about 2000 BC, Babylonians were putting fingerprints in soft clay to protect against the forgery of important documents. In ancient China impressions of fingerprints were used as the signatures of those who couldn’t write. Fingerprints were first accepted as valid police procedure in 1901, at Scotland Yard. Prior to the use of fingerprints a system of identification known as the Bertillon system was used. Developed in France in 1883 the Bertillon system used the length and breadth of the skull, the length of each foot, the length of the forearm from the elbow to the tip of the middle finger, the length of the middle finger, and the exact size of the ears to identify a person.

 

The Bertillon system failed in 1903 at Leavenworth Penitentiary where two men, one named Willie West and the other named William West, were in custody. Their Bertillon measurements were almost identical although they were in no way related. Only their fingerprints could positively identify one from the other. Today we trust that every person’s fingerprints, which first appear on a fetus at about 4 months, is unique. Not even identical twins have the same fingerprints, and as a matter of fact, no two fingerprints have ever been found to be identical. Even a barely visible (latent) fingerprint is positive physical evidence that a person has been at a given location.

 

Does God have fingerprints? Take another look and the recent post titled Passover and enlarge the image. I think that His fingerprints are everywhere and on everything: He alone is the Master Creator, and His creativity and intellect know no bounds. "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse" (Romans 1:19-20). I also think that, as the Body and Hands of Christ, we leave latent (barely visible) spiritual fingerprints on everyone and everything we come in contact with. "For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" (Ephesians 2:10 NIV). Whose prints are you leaving behind as evidence?

Program Evaluation

We began this evening with a 20 minute discussion about the Graduation Ceremony. Evidently last year’s graduation was a bit … well … rowdy, and so we were reminded that it takes place in the context of evening prayer. It’s a celebration of and in our local church and we should maintain an atmosphere of prayer. Please, no whistling, yelling, or hooting! No jeans, no ball gowns, and no cell phones.

 

Tonight is our last get together before graduation. It wasn’t a normal class, however, instead we were asked to discuss the ILM program as a whole and provide feedback to the ILM staff. One of the ILM Administrators sent a worksheet so we could prepare, and the discussion was facilitated and recorded by past graduates. We were asked to think about our experience over the last three years and focus on various questions.

 

“What were your expectations coming in to the Institute in September 2010?” Since I came from a Protestant background, my original intent was to learn more about my chosen faith. I wanted to understand as much as I could and I didn’t want to get it from individuals through random conversations. I wanted to learn the Truth from knowledgeable instructors.

 

“Were they met?” Yes. This program is well managed, organized, and delivered. I would recommend this program to anyone interested in the Church. Although (evidently) the ILM program is intended for “leadership” training I would insist that it is also valuable for those who might prefer to fill a secondary “assistantship” role in their Parish.

 

“Did the Institute work for you?” Yes. Even though I attended church regularly as a child and felt somewhat knowledgeable, I know more now than when I began this program; about Catholicism in particular and about Christianity in general. This is an excellent program and I feel privileged to have been part of the class of 2013.

 

“What can you tell us about the content of the courses?” Most of the instructors were very interesting and their lectures were spellbinding. Some of the instructors failed to connect emotionally with the content of their lectures, but the information provided was interesting anyway. Some of the instructors had difficulty keeping my interest, either because they were poorly prepared or it was a repeat of previous lectures. There wasn’t too much emphasis on social justice, but there were too many disconnected sessions on social justice programs. They should keep this focus prominent, but tighten and reorganize this subject to remove the repetition.

 

“Were the methodologies (lectures, Saturday sessions, discussions) successful?” I enjoyed the Saturday sessions; however a lunch period consisting of 45 minutes is insufficient. I would strongly recommend a 60 minute lunch period so that students can interact more. Initially I was uncomfortable about the discussion sessions; because I didn’t want to hear what other students thought; I wanted to hear what the church thought. I certainly didn’t want to waste time hearing myself talk because I wouldn’t be learning anything new. Eventually I discovered that other student’s ideas were interesting to hear, and to trust my ability to discern the value of their comments. Learning to interact with other students was very helpful.

 

“Were we successful at working together and respecting you as students?” Yes. All of the students I met were interesting and friendly, and the staff was friendly and helpful. It might be helpful for the staff (and students) to appreciate the diverse motivations students have in attending the ILM program. For instance not everyone intends to be a leader, yet the benefits for all students are still tangible.

 

“If you could make just one suggestion or say one thing to us, what would it be?” I’ll admit that initially I wasn’t thrilled about writing papers because I didn’t feel qualified to express my opinion, especially after only a few class sessions. However, after some hesitation, I especially enjoyed the 2nd year classes during which we shared our unfinished papers and listened to feedback. At times the guidance regarding the written assignment was poor, leaving the instructor’s expectations undefined and difficult to determine. Having a written description of the assignment and expectations was extremely helpful.

 

I didn’t appreciate the subtle push by some of the instructors against the teaching and norms of the church. Nevertheless, I do see some value in understanding the views of those on the fringe of church teaching. Occasionally we received subtle suggestions that the church should be following the lead of our instructor. One in particular told personal stories of resistance against authority as a novice, and was proud of her personal stand against authority as a sister.

 

A few students that there wasn’t enough information about leadership, or leadership skills. One student mentioned that since we would (presumably) be working in a ministry, that we should have received training concerning the protection of children and vulnerable adults. Another student suggested that all of the classes should be organized like seminars, with more discussion and less lecture. Another student felt that there wasn’t enough emphasis placed on the prayer partner program, saying that it was a great idea but it wasn’t executed very well.

 

We all agreed that the Site Kreator website needed work too. Sometimes the information was wrong, and sometimes it was too late to be helpful. The intermittent availability of the WiFi connection was also a sore point for most of us, but we all agreed that emails from the staff were very welcome.

 

Something else we all talked about during the evening was our friendship. Although we all started out as strangers we ended up as family. I said that I expected the intellectual component, but I didn’t expect the community component. I am a more open person in my personal life as a result of my experience at the Institute for Leadership in Ministry.

 

I also think that most of us were interested in coming to audit one or two of the third classes being offered next year. Most of us think meeting at ILM on the Saturday classes, for lunch would be fun, and one of our facilitators graduated about 6 years ago, and her graduating class still meets every quarter. I like that idea too.

 

“Are you willing to help out with the Institute in the future?” Maybe …

 

“If so, in what ways?” Not sure …

 

The Joy of Old Age

As I've aged, I've become kinder and less critical of myself. In a way, I suppose I've become my own friend. So many people leave this world too soon, before they understand the great freedom that comes with age. As we get older, it is easier to be positive, partly because we care less about what other people think, but also because we question ourselves less. We've even earned the right to be wrong. So, don't fear or struggle with time, being old is a reward in itself, it can set us free to be the person each of us has become.

 

Like not letting others get in the way if you choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM, and then sleep until noon. If we want to dance with ourselves to those wonderful tunes of yesterday, just do it, or eat dessert every single day if you want. If you wish to weep about past memories, missing friends, and lost opportunities ... it's OK. The jet set isn't going to care if you walk on the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, or dive into the waves with abandon. They're too busy with their own lives and they too are aging too fast. Don't worry if at times you are forgetful, because some of life is just as well forgotten, remember the important things.

 

Sure, over the years our hearts have been broken, like with the loss of a loved one, or when our children suffer, or even when somebody's beloved pet passes away; but broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion for others: It also teaches us to be kind to ourselves. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and it will never know the joy of being imperfect. Sadly, many have never laughed and too many die before their hair can turn silver. I have been blessed with a life long enough to have gray hair, and to have grooves in my face forever etched by laughter and tears. I am not going to live forever either, but while I'm here I am not going to waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.