Forgiveness

I believe that sometimes it isn't enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes you have to forgive yourself.

The need to forgive is not some ideal that we cannot hope to attain. Forgiveness is necessary to free us from the dark cloud of anger and resentment that can literally destroy our own lives. We cannot afford to wait for the other person to repent and apologize. Unless we let go of our anger and the desire to punish or get even, the love of God cannot enter our lives. We are not meant to live hard-hearted or self-centered lives. We are called to put our faith into practice and truly love our neighbors, especially those less fortunate.

Sometimes it is enough to be forgiven by others, and sometimes you have to forgive yourself.

Sandbox Rules

The house where I grew up had a very big yard and I had a great sandbox as a kid. It was huge, almost 20 feet on each side, although one side had a random shape that affectively cut off part of one corner; so it wasn't a full 400 square feet of sand. Still, there was plenty of room for imagination. I spent a lot of time in that sandbox, building roads and playing with cars, and one of my best memories was playing with a rock that was about the size of your palm. It was oblong, very smooth, flat on the bottom, and almost completely flat on top; except for a bump that was offset from the center. I imagined it to be a super-secret car like Batman might have kept hidden in the Bat Cave; only to be brought out in case of a serious emergency. I loved that rock!

This morning on my way to work as I on-ramped onto the freeway in my squarish not so flat car, I suddenly remembered something that happened in my sandbox. My next door neighbor and I were playing cars, as usual, and we had built roads and a couple of small towns. Naturally with police cars, fire trucks, dump trucks, and trips to town, there was far more to do than the two of us could manage at once. Like kids are supposed to do we took turns deciding what the cars and trucks were doing at any given moment, stopping at the stop signs and going about daily life in the sandbox. From what I remember it was serious stuff. Anyway, suddenly my friend decided to cut across the "open country" with his car, not following the roads we had so carefully laid out in the sand. I was shocked and upset, and I remember trying to get him to go around as he was supposed to. He didn't want to, of course, and eventually I "let it go", ignoring his rude sandbox etiquette and accepting his failure to comply with the rules.

I realized this morning that I've always been this way about the behavior of others. Example: As I stood patiently waiting for the walk sign at the corner near where I work, I watched as others marched into the cross walk ahead of me without waiting. They aren't following the rules either. Why is it that I have this compulsion to "follow the rules"? Why is it that I don't complain about the things that typically upset other people? Why do I just accept rude people for who they are, without saying anything? I don't really know why I'm like this, and I'll admit I don't intend to change my behavior (at least not right away). What's really interesting is to realize that I've behaved this way since I was a kid playing in my sandbox. So now the question is ... where is God leading me with this insight into who I am?

Don't be Cruel

I believe that sometimes people have the right to be angry, but no one has the right to be cruel.

Jesus calls us to remember that we are all God's children. Just as He loves all His people and is willing to forgive their sins, in the same way we must be willing to forgive others who have done wrong to us. Anger can consume us with hatred and block out the love of God. Whether between parent and child, spouses, friends, or nations, expressions of anger divide us and drive us toward open hostility, and more often than not our angry feelings are based on a misinterpretation of what someone said or did anyway. A grudge clouds our judgment and may lead us to an act of revenge that can never be undone.

You may have a right to be angry, but you never have the right to be cruel.

Loving Words

I believe that you should always leave others with loving words, it may be the last time you see them.

The standard Jesus set for dealing with other people was and is to treat them as you would want to be treated. What matters to God is our love for Him and our love for each other, and when we truly love our neighbors, we do our part to make the world a better place. We also find our own fulfillment in life.

Remember to always leave others with loving words, it may be the last time you see them.

Real Men

I heard an interesting advertisement on Catholic Radio the other day. It began with the question, "When did it become fashionable for men to wear ear rings", and then it went on to question the sense of things like mani/pedis, chest waxing, and wearing aprons in the kitchen. According to their website, they are a group of "lay Catholic men dedicated to becoming the spiritual leaders of our families by strengthening our faith and being real world examples of Christ". They meet, pray, read and study scripture, and (I presume) discuss current events, but they "are not a civic group, or a service group, or a fund raising group". Listening to the advertisement, I was imagining them as a support group for the manly men in our world, the kind who might have been lumber jacks or mountain men in times past, but instead are working to better understand their Christian identities, their love of God, and their devotion to family. Although I don't exactly meet the big and powerful scary dude "real man" criteria I don't want to be seen as soft either, so I'll admit I'm never getting a mani/pedi or a chest waxing or any body piercings; not in this lifetime anyway.

You've probably heard the saying or seen the window sticker, "real men belong on their knees" and I think the Men of St. Joseph would strongly support this idea; and as it turns out I do too! Their group "bolsters discussion of faith and prayer life specifically for men, giving men new ways to reflect upon their lives and be better servants to God and their family". I support their mission “To put the family in the hands of the Father [God]” and their belief that "it is time for men to step up and take a leadership role in guiding their families, friends, parishes and their communities towards Christ and the fullness of His Catholic Church". As a man this should be my mission too, but I'm not sure about the part where men, which I assume means not women, should be dedicated to becoming the spiritual leaders in the home. Although my Grandfather was, my father wasn't, and if it had been that way in my home I wouldn't be Catholic today. I identify myself as Christian because of my mother and I identify myself as Catholic because of wife, and for both of them I am eternally grateful. Not surprisingly, I support the idea that men and women together must be the source of Christian leadership in the home; and obviously if one or the other is not up to the task, then either one is a great second choice.

You also won't be surprised to hear that I was not the Alpha Male in my circle of friends, or the Big Dog on campus, and I'm OK with that. I, and I think everyone else, identifies with the struggle to balance being a father (mother), bread winner, professional, friend, husband (wife), and spiritual leader. Obviously, all of us would benefit from a better "understanding that only with each other's support and shared accountability does it become a little easier". Jesus, a leader in his own home as well as the world, taught us that greatness is found in service; I would identify him as a "real man" who led by love not fear and by compassion not strength, and although he rousted the money changers and sellers in the Temple area, he is remembered as patient, kind, and understanding of everyone. If I were looking for a model of greatness I would certainly chose Him, and His message is Love and Charity for all. I have chosen to live by His example, and most importantly I know that if I surrender my day-to-day problems to Him I will be better a father, a better husband, and a better leader: In short, through Christ, I am a better man.

Stewardship

I believe that we own nothing, and that we are the stewards of everything.

The American Indian understood that we don't own anything and that we must take care of everything, but the European settlers brought a totally different attitude with them, and today consumerism is rampant. Nevertheless, I learned a long time ago that we really don't own anything. The car we drive or the house we live in aren't really ours, we're simply the caretakers. To keep the car reliable and fun to drive we have to maintain it. To keep the house livable and clean we have to maintain it. We pretend that these things are ours, but when you realize that someday they'll belong to someone else, it's becomes obvious that our ownership is temporary. In the meantime someone has to maintain all this stuff.

In case you haven't figured it out yet that someone is you: You're just the current caretaker.